“I just hate who i have become,” she says to me. “I seem to be angry all the time. No matter what he does I’m angry and cannot shake this feeling towards him. This is not me. I hate who I’ve become and how i feel.” She reaches for Kleenex as she tries to wipe the tears from her eyes. Her husband just stares at her in frustration.
This feeling is common among couples who are facing challenges in their marriage.
The reason we get married in the first place is to heighten our emotions.
If we feel better living with a partner rather than living alone, that’s the reason we marry.
Think about all those feelings you had when you first got together. You called each other at 2 am in the morning. You jumped out of bed to be with your partner. You texted them a 100 times during the day. You felt better.
Your emotions were heightened.
But now you feel different. You are becoming a different person. You are not only angry or upset towards your partner but it’s affecting your relationships at work or with the kids.
Your emotions are “knocked down.” This know down effect is going to eat away at your marriage.
This is a dangerous place to be.
The best way to turn your situation around is to re-build your emotional experiences with your partner again.
It’s about identifying where you at and what you do together that brings out love and joy.
Each couple has their own emotional sequences. The mission for you is to first identify what’s knocking you down. Then find alternative ways of rebuilding your feelings towards one another.
So the key question for you, “What is your current emotional sequence that is causing the knock down effect?”