It’s not uncommon to feel that your marriage problems are only happening to you. You look around, talk to your friends, neighbors and other families and they seem to have the perfect marriage.
When you compare yourself to others, doubts start to creep in.
And at some point you ask the question “Why is this only happening to me?”
Even though you know this is not entirely true and there are other couples who are experiencing the pain, I’m sure at times it feels like that only you are stuck with these difficult challenges.
Our first instinct is to wish our problems away.
You may say please make this go away and if you are religious you may think “god, please use your infinite power and wisdom to get rid of this problem.”
We deal with these problems by hoping, praying, wishing and fighting it so that when you awake the following morning its disappeared.
This is resisting a problem.
From experience you know that no amount of rubbing that genie in the bottle and wishing will get rid of it.
There is another way to deal with it.
Embrace the fear, anger and whatever emotions you feel in the moment.
Step in it. Know it there and find out how working through this problem the right way can make you better than where you are right now.
There is a metaphor used in the bible about “Only God can transform our clay.”
The potter has a vision of what he wants to create. He takes out the clay and in pottery class they teach you to either pound the clay or rub it really hard with both hands to get rid of the air inside the clay. He then places the clay in the potters wheel and when it spins he molds the clay into the specific shape to bring his vision to life.
Then the potter begins to strike the clay pot beating it into shape as it hardens so that it keeps its shape.
To an outside person the potter is striking the clay pot and beating it up. But to the potter this is genuine love for his work and carefully molding the clay into a piece of art or a useful tool. It’s a labor of love.
You may feel the hard knocks, disappointments and set-backs in your marriage . But remember this. Despite these hard knocks you are being turned into something more beautiful. A vision of you that’s required to have a better marriage than you have right now.
It’s through only embracing the fear, pain and the hurt you feel and walking through this the right way will you be more strong, more confident and able to overcome your challenges you face in the moment.
When you get this skill you can always fall back on it in hard times. You will know how to overcome the challenges and hurdles and face them head on.
Some questions to asked when you faced with a marriage problem
1. What am I learning about this problem that I face right now?
2. What do I need to do to go through this and find a way out rather than resting the problem?
3. What changes do I need to make to get over this challenge?
4. When I do get through this how is my life going to be better than what it is?
Embrace the pain. You are not alone.