When you experience pain in your marriage, without realizing it, either him or you are keeping score.
- I’ve taken the kids to the park this week and it’s his turn to spend time with them.
- I have initiated sex with my wife all the time and I wish she reciprocates this time.
- We visited his parents so now it’s my turn.
- He never takes me out for a date night unless I ask for it. Is it too much for him to make me feel special?
Without you realizing what’s going on, both of you start to count and measure what you have done for each other.
You compete with one another. You think if only he could do his share and spend time showing more love and connection we will be able to survive this storm.
Your thoughts focus on what’s not being done in your marriage. You start to feel more negative towards him or her. Then your feelings turn into action. You hold back because your spouse has not done their share of the work or initiated intimacy.
It’s difficult to break this pattern because in a competition someone has to WIN.
And if someone wins then the other person has to lose.
Break the cycle of counting. Just play out your day without keeping score.
It starts with a conscious choice. You will feel better and your actions towards your spouse will immediately change.
They will see the change in your energy and your actions.