By all accounts Tom was a loving husband. He spent time with his three kids especially over the weekends, and they loved him. Tom and Susanne went on bi-weekly date nights. The kids would sometimes complain and cry to get Susanne to stay at home instead of leaving them to go on date nights with their father.
But she was committed. She knew how important it was to keep the marriage growing.
One day Tom came home and Susanne knew instinctively that something was off. He had been a little quite and distant the last few weeks and she thought it was normal since he had been under tremendous pressure at work.
He was the lead attorney on this new trial case that been going on for over 6 months. It would soon be over.
Tom, confessed he cheated on her, with his assistant. It happened and could not justify his behavior.
Susanne was devastated. He was an attorney. Clients paid him tens of thousands of dollars so that they could trust him. His business was trust but he broke her trust that night.
It does not matter if you are in a happy marriage. When you or your spouse come in contact with other people you may over time feel attraction to another person.
When you spend private time with them or innocently spend secret time alone with them, you could start to feel an infatuation for them.
Your mind goes to war with itself.
You have the rational side of your brain will feel some level of fear. Or you may feel some shame for what you doing and try to stop those feelings, like Tom did.
But if you continue to spend time with this person in secret or innocently with no intention of taking it further and you feel attracted to them, your body chemistry traps you.
You cannot avoid this trap.
It throws out all your rational decision making ability out of window.
The chemistry is so strong that you end up cheating with this person because its new and an infatuation. Chemicals that spark feelings in your body is more powerful than thoughts.
Have you ever met someone who watches porn or is an alcoholic. The feelings they get from doing this activity outweighs their thoughts. They know they have to stop but cannot control their behavior.
Couples need to set ground rules for your relationship. Most never do it until its too late.
When you working with your assistant or continually meeting someone new or in secret even if it is business, you should talk about it to your spouse. Just by doing this and talking to the other person about your spouse and you sharing your interactions with your spouse avoids this trap.
And if your spouse has cheated and you decide to stay in the marriage, it’s all the more critical that you establish the right ground rules and boundaries so it never happens again.
Its hard to stop our body’s chemistry once it is in motion. We can set ground rules to be committed to our marriage.