What about marriage problems?
It’s almost impossible because its not in our DNA.
Michael grew up in a strict family. His parents grew up in the depression area. Even though they we extremely wealthy they saved every dime and worked off a strict budget.
Michael runs his home with this strong belief that every last dime has to be accounted for and the check book has to be balanced down to the penny. Sarah on the other hand does not agree with this approach. She would prefer everyone has a budget to spend and not be accountable to Michael for every last dime.
Sarah believes Michael is using the budget as a form of control over her. Michael feels he is doing what his parents taught him to do best.
Most couples especially when they face a severe crisis or hit a brick wall in their marriage start copying the prior generation.
My favorite story is the Easter Sunday ham story that some of you might have heard before – it’s about a little girl who goes over to her mom and says ‘Mom, why is it that every single Easter Sunday you bake a ham and then you cut both ends off of that ham?’ and the mother says ‘I have no idea. Grandma used to do that and so I just do it.’ and she said ‘But you know what? Grandma is in this room. Let’s go over and ask her.’ So both go over and ask Grandma ‘Why do you always take a ham and cut both ends off every time we have a big Easter Sunday dinner?’ and Grandma looks at them and says ‘You know, I’ve never thought about it. My mother used to do it.
But great-grandma is sitting in this room so why don’t we go find out?’ Well they all march over to great-grandma and ask the same question and great-grandma says ‘Because I never had a pan big enough to fit that big old ham.’ So you see, three generations later, they are still cutting off both ends of the ham without questioning it.
So you might believe that marriage problems are not hereditary.
But we are constantly reacting in our lives to our husbands and wives the way your mother reacted and the way your grandmother reacted.
If you know how to replace the old automatic voices in your head with new voices, it breaks the cycle. It breaks the habits, beliefs and something new will come into your life.
When it does both of you will see each others point of view and start listening to one another.
What are the old voices and tapes you reacting to that been unconsciously passed down from your family to you?
Think about it. It just may be the spark to turn your situation around.