Couples often talk complain that there is intimacy but no more passion.
We blame the lack of passion on the pressures of life and settling into a normal marriage routines. For example being married for years, spending most days working and taking care of the daily chores.
Passion dies when we are constantly looking for security and there is no uncertainty or variety.
Security is necessary for a stable marriage. You expect to be financially secure, take care of the kids and follow the same routines every day so that the family is safe and marriage is stable place for you.
When you have security only you experience intimacy.
It will never get you passion.
Passion comes from uncertainty and variety. Its about trying new experiences, spending time alone just the two of you and creating boundaries in your marriage where you can explore sexual and other needs without judging one another.
Most couples strive for safety and predictability. No one likes change or something new.
Do you like birthday surprise? Do you. Really?
No you don’t. You only like the surprise you want. If its not what you expect you don’t feel good about it.
Passion comes from polarity and doing something out of the norm. Its a basic human need. If you don’t have new experiences or variety here is what happens
1. Couples learn to live without it. They stay in a passionless marriage for the sake of kids or strong beliefs
2. When one partner tries to do something new the other judges them or pushes back so they feel safe. Instead of going out to see that new show at the theatre you stay in on a friday night for pizza and watch tv instead.
3. Some partners may look elsewhere outside the marriage for variety and will keep it a secret from their partner
Passion is a basic human need for a marriage. We cannot live with it. You can force yourself but you are resisting the essence that keeps your marriage alive.
The consequences for the lack of passion is a marriage on the verge of trouble and problems. All the fights, discontent and lack of communication could be a signal for the lack of passion.
How would you rate the level of variety and uncertainty you bring into the marriage?