He cheated on you.
She says to him “i am not in love with you anymore”
He says “your family is more important than me. It’s either them or me”
She says “we struggling financially and why can’t you make more, or get another job and step up and provide for us”
What your partner does or action they take causes Pain.
The kind of pain that keeps you awake at night. The kind of pain that’s top of your mind. You cannot function at home or concentrate at work because it hurts.
There is two ways to deal with the pain of his/her actions or hurtful comments.
1. You can blame him for all the pain that he has inflicted on you. It’s natural since most of us don’t intentionally cause pain to ourselves. So pain is all his doing. But only if he just changes his ways your marriage will be better. This seldom and rarely happens. No one takes responsibility for their actions especially if they feel they are right
2. You can look at pain in your marriage as an important lesson that you have not yet learnt. In the moment it does not feel good to deal with this pain. Why should you especially if he is the root cause of it?
But what if the pain is something you need to experience so that both of you can learn from it and never have to go through it again.
When you learn how to embrace it, talk about it and overcome this challenge together will get the lessons you need to learn now in order to make your marriage better.
Or you can chose to resist it. You could fight the pain, the hurt and push it aside hoping that it goes away or blame him for it. But all you doing is postponing your suffering for later.
I think the better way is to learn how to navigate your pain and problems now, especially with the right tools to better your marriage today.